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The Greatest Gift You Can Give a Child, 2 Under 2, Baby BunchingI have to write about this before it fades.

The days following Eze’s birth only held two emotions for me. Guilt and fear.

Love, of course, overshadowed all of it, but I’m not talking about that, right now.

With white knuckles and tears staining my face, I clung to a truth our pediatrician told me in passing.

He has six kids. Therefore I believe everything he says.

“When we had our second,” Dr. Abe told me, “My sister told me this, and now I’ll tell it to you.”

And here it is:

“The greatest gift you can ever give a child is a brother or sister.”

This has to be true, please let it be true, I remember praying, Because I totally feel like I’m breaking him right now.

Jeebs was so young (14 months old). Despite being given a baby doll to play with and getting hyped up about being a ‘big brother,’ there wasn’t much we could explain to him that he would understand. And then this little screeching alien showed up and took over.

Tantrums, night terrors, bewildered eyes, crying for Mommy, elongated nighttime routines, lack of appetite, huge, thick empathetic tears every time Eze would cry. It sure didn’t feel like a gift. It felt like a nightmare. Jeebs even looked a mess.

2 Under 2, Bringing Home Second Child, New Baby, Big Brother, Transition to Brotherhood, Irish Twins

Okay, so the muscle shirt doesn't help.

We all did.

Before Eze, Jeebs had a great life. He had his own schedule, his own perfect room, his own toys, his own clothes and both of our rapt attention at all times. I didn’t realize more than in passing that all that would change.

“Nobody told me how hard this is,” I’d sob, to anyone close to me who would listen. “Why didn’t anyone warn me?”

So I’m warning you now. Especially if you are an emotional faucet like me.

The first weeks, even the first month after bringing home baby number two, can be excruciatingly difficult.

Even if you have help. Especially if your first is still a baby. [But I can imagine that even if she is old enough to walk, talk, draw and talk about her feelings, it will still be tough.]

Because she’s had you all to herself for ages.

And you are bringing home a baby. One you’ve never met. One you haven’t yet bonded with. One who is a foreign ship in your known home waters.

And you might feel a whole lot of guilt about not knowing her the way you know Big baby, too. Just sayin’. It can be an all around painful guilt fest.

The good news is, it gets better. Everyone equilibrates, each of you finds a new normal. Big baby adjusts. Little baby bonds. Everyone thrives again, eventually. And Dr. Abe’s truth holds. Your family is NOT the exception to that rule. I know because I felt like we might be.

But when he’s born, and if you feel this way (and I hope you don’t, because it really isn’t fun), at least you’ll know that you aren’t the only one. At least you can know that I survived, Jeebs survived, Eze survived and you will too.

The greatest gift you can ever give your child is a brother or sister. It is. I promise. My kids are both proof of that, now. It won’t feel that way immediately, but it’s one of those long-run things that hurts at first. You don’t need to be anxious about it. Because now you are prepared.

I won’t leave you with a downer. I’ll post tomorrow with some constructive help on how to ease the transition. Like I said, you aren’t alone.


82 Responses to What Nobody Says About Bringing Second Baby Home (or) The Greatest Gift You Can Ever Give A Child

  1. Caroline W says:

    Only on the first one right now and we would be happy and blessed to have a sec0nd when the time comes…I will definitely keep this in mind b/c like you, I am definitely an emotional faucet. :)

  2. Sarah says:

    Hey Kate – I will always remember when we told you about bringing Little J home how you warned us we would mourn L's only child-hood; and you were right! I will always appreciate that warning. and it still hits sometimes – moreso though, that it was a hugely significant part of our life, that he will never remember, and finding that strange and a little sad – but we see just how close those two boys have become, we see how excited L is whenever J is awake and active, and how J's face lights up when L is being the clown, and wonder, 'How can we be anything but thrilled?' – your Dr.'s words of wisdom, even if they take time to materialize, remain so true.

    • Kate says:

      If it was wisdom, I am glad I got to share it.

      I was so taken off guard by those feelings that I couldn't believe I'd heard anyone talk about it. Surely it's not just me, you know? Thanks for commenting, Sarah! Our kids are so alike in so many ways.

  3. Teresa says:

    It is so hard but at times, for me, easier cuz older sis is 4 years older, so somewhat of a babysitter lol. But I get that pain for you especially when #1 was so little. But you are a great mommy, and great person to help others with your great advice.

  4. Faiqa says:

    This is SO true. My daughter was five when Yusuf was born, and she is the BEST older sister she can be… but, wow… it was hard. Some days, it still is. I didn't know I could get this tired. I think it took a good year for us to really figure out how we were going to manage day to day life "smoothly." So worth it, though… so very worth it.

    • Kate says:

      Absolutely worth it. My husband read the post and said: "are you sure you want to post that picture??" But to me, tired eyes are a badge of honor. We do our best for our kids, and sometimes it shows.

      Yusuf? :) We almost named our second that, too. Thanks for reading this.

    • shane says:

      Thank you for sharing your experiences. It is very helpful to see that these things are the same across cultures

  5. Kinsey says:

    Thank you! This was something I've been needing to read from someone who has been through the emotions. We found out that we are expecting baby #2 over Christmas and I can't help but overwhelm myself with all of those "what if" questions.
    Harper has been the easiest baby to have and I know we're in for a wonderfully difficult reality once the new baby comes to our home. It's so nice to hear that my worries and emotions are not because I'm the exception to the norm.
    I can see why so many parents are satisfied with one and only one child but I'm still so excited to give Harper a sibling… an experience I never had.
    Thanks Kate!!

  6. tracy says:

    I love this post. It is so true. I look at my 3 girls and just want to sob with happiness seeing them interact and loving on each other. My mother has 7 siblings and to see them still so close is a blessing and so incredibly beautiful.

    • Kate says:

      tracy! I just saw this now. Two things:

      1) I long for just one girl. One day. You won the jackpot.

      2) Did you say 7 siblings? You must truly be from Minnesota. that is so wholesome. so amazing. so. much. work! Your amazing mother!

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  9. Momma Jorje says:

    Thank you! There is a big enough gap (+ a divorce & remarriage) between my 1st (13yo now) and 2nd (2½yo now) that our 3rd may as well be a 2nd, I swear! (Did that make sense?) I feel guilty and have even felt like I had to hide when nursing the new baby. To top it all, he has special needs, so requires even more time and attention.

    Sibling was one of the top reasons we wanted to have another baby. We wanted a sibling for our daughter. I look forward to seeing their bond develop and grow. Right now… its jealousy city and guilt for me. :-

  10. Danielle says:

    THANK YOU FOR WRITING THIS! I am pregnant with our second, and this is my exact fear. Writing it must have been hard and cathartic at the same time. I knew there had to be light at the end of the tunnel. But, happy to know I won’t be the only one that feels that way. We are very excited for our daughter to have a little sister and have a new daughter ourselves. I am also painfully a realist though… much love to you and your family.

  11. What a rough ride you had! My son was much older, so he had more skills at his disposal to process all of the changes, but there were some moments where I wondered what I was thinking. Thank you for your honesty!

  12. Brooke says:

    Thanks for the suggestion, Carol. I read about the Aussie product and am deciding to try it. Everyone's posts here are right in line with what we are going through right now! The design seems to make sense….much more than the frame version that was recalled.

  13. Alex says:

    While I think it is wonderful that you think this is true, how you can say it applies to all situations is just beyond my comprehension. I cannot fathom how anyone can say "one size fits all." I remember how much I agonized over whether to have a second child because my heart felt full after having my son, and I didn't long to have another child. I felt something must be wrong with me. When I turned to an advice columnist, she posted my question to a message board she manages. The responses were very eye opening. Some individuals were only children and hated it. Some were only children and loved it. Some had siblings and longed to be an only child because one of their siblings (1) bullied, (2) molested, (3) was clearly their parents's favorite, etc. This told me that I didn't have to give my child a sibling because there are so many variables in any family. To me, the most important thing I can give my son is to provide a loving and safe environment for him, which my husband and I do. Whether he will long for a siblings in the future, I cannot predict. But I wasn't going to have a second child when my heart didn't long for one. That's just me.

    • JacKie says:

      I agree…"the greatest gift" is quite polarizing, but I do appreciate the honest look into bringing home #2. Any choice you have as a parent has a "what if" guilt to it. I'm an only child, my husband is an only child and quite honestly, I only want one child. It all comes down to the family you create.

  14. KellyBosso says:

    So what am I supposed to do, I have permanent secondary infertility.  Yes, I’ve heard of adoption and fostering and no, they are not options for us.  So I guess I’ll never be able to give my son the greatest gift? B.S.

    The “greatest gift you can give your child” is to be a loving, attentive parent.  There’s so many things wrong with making a sibling a “gift,” I can’t even take the time to name them.  First of all, what is that saying to the second child…they only exist for the older child’s enjoyment?  Second of all, many siblings are NOT gifts to each other… during childhood or adulthood.  You can’t (shouldn’t) create another child just for the sake of the first one.  You should create a child because you and your partner have a deep desire to raise another child for their on sake.  Sorry.

    • Stacy says:

      Sure the sibling may not be a gift in some cases, but I don't think the post was to encourage siblings or make only children parents feel guilty to only wanting 1 child. But to relate to fears of 2nd time parents. I was an only child. For the most part I loved it! Even more that I am grown up I wouldn't have wanted it any other way! Now I am pregnant with my 2nd I have guilty feelings of splitting my attention with another baby. This was helpful with my concerns knowing I am not alone and having somebody speak real about these feelings.

    • kelly c says:

      THANK YOU. I have a 4 year old. And I am not sure if I want another. But I hear it from people daily. You can't do that to your son. What about when you are older, when you die. Seriously. I want to give my son the world. He will have friends and family. As in your case, sometimes people don't have a choice. Why in the world would you tell someone, a sibling is the geatest gift? So again thank you for sticking up for us only-child parents

  15. Pam says:

    So glad I found this! We just found out we are expecting #2 right now and our daughter is only 9 months old. By the time the new baby is here she is only going to be 17 moths old and I'm extremely worried that I wont be able to juggle with the two babies and all the house work. We are very exited about this pregnancy, but since I've been more tired than usual, I worry that 2 under 2 is going to be too much to handle. The worst part is that I know if I was feeling a little bit more energized and was not having morning sickness that last all day long, my worries would not be this bad! Anyway, thank you for your post!

  16. KCME says:

    In most respects, my siblings have had no positive influence on my life. I would hardly call it "the greatest gift." Our "greatest gift" to our only child is being able to give him our undivided love and attention, not putting him through the years of struggle you describe, and not being the frazzled parents of two.

  17. Heidi Kroetch says:

    Thank you for this! We just learned we will be hav ing our fourth late next summer and I worry how my youngest (only boy) is going to take not being the baby and the possibility of loosing his male monopoly. There is quite the age gaps too, B my oldest is 14, E is 7, and A is 6, so hopefully they all will fall in love with the new arrival. We haven’t told the littles yet (waiting till we are farther along) but the day we got tjat posItIve test they were wishing on stars… A wished for two baby sisters….

  18. Juliet says:

    Thank you so much for this. I wish I could have read this sooner. My 2 boys are 16months apart.
    We've made it through the first year, and things are much better now and I can spend equal time with both boys together and individually (most of the time).

  19. Lisa @ CTC says:

    Thanks for the post. What an exciting time. I did not know I could get so tired.

  20. not always says:

    Had my first in May 1994. Had my second in March 1997. I never felt this way and you don't have to. I always thought that my 2nd was a sort of gift to my 1st. I was overjoyed to experience newborn love again without the first-time-parent jitters. I knew what I was doing this time and was much more relaxed. It's all about mindset.

  21. April Prevost says:

    I am sorry you had a difficult time when you brought #2 home! That had to be so scary – like what have we done. I brought son #2 home when #1 was 18mos old, and it was like he’d always been there. There was no adverse reaction to #2 by #1. (My point being, it doesn’t happen in everyone’s situation) My daughter, #3, however has it out for her little bro, #4 ;) .

  22. attitude is crucial says:

    It all depends on you! You must guide your children, not merely give them dolls to simulate what to expect. We have had 4 children in 5 years. We have never experienced jealousy or maladaption, the new babies came home when they were 3-4 hours old, the older silbing(s) was/were there from the very beginning, always able to participate, but we were always careful not to take time or attention away from anyone. It works perfectly well. It is a lot of work, it requires a lot of thinking an planning, but it pays out. Your attitude is crucial. Be open for everything and have faith in you, that you can handle and solve possilbe problems (assuming that you are an at least mildly intelligent person) and all can be just fine. You just mus't expect it to just happen, you must make it happen.

  23. Rebecca C. says:

    When I was younger and we found out that I would be getting a baby sister (through adoption), my cousins said, "I'm so glad that you're getting a sister. Maybe now you'll learn how to share!" I was 6 at the time and remember taking offense, but it was true. I needed to learn how to share. I am thankful to have a sibling.

  24. Tiffany says:

    My oldest was also 14 months old when my youngest was born. Their father moved during my pregnancy so I was alone in the process! I remember it being hard and painful, torn between the two wanting to stay up when my youngest napped to play with my oldest and vice-versa! However, I got through it and both my boys are happy, loving (sometimes) siblings. I

  25. Lindsey A says:

    Thank you for this. No one has said anything like this to me yet, but I already secretly feel this way…. Thank you again for validating my feelings.

  26. April says:

    Good post…. I had 4 kids within 4 years and although it was overwhelming at times they do not know what to do without eachother :) The oldest who is now 6 gets scared at times to get something out of her room and she calls on a brother or sister to go with her, one day i said "Layla what would you do if you didnt have a brother or sister?" She just laughed at me like she didnt understand, so i explained that there are some kids out there that dont have any brothers or sisters. She thought that was strange and somewhat sad. it was cute!!! My kids love being with eachother and I love having built-in playmates. There are many people out there that cannot have a sibling for thier child for whatever reason and they will have a wonderful life too, because of thier awesome parents. But for our family im glad i had so many and even this close together. Although my other 3 never got all that one on one time, even if it was only 16 months for Layla :) , they will have wonderful memories with thier brothers and sisters. We as moms need to let the guilt go!!! We need to do what we can with the resources we have and get over the rest of it!!

  27. kelly says:

    Omg I felt the same way. I remember thinking “what have I done?! I had a perfect child and now she is This walking ball of emotions also….acting out and there was no way I can love new baby as much as big baby….” But I have never been so wrong in my whole life. The first year is behind us and nothing but smiles ahead

  28. Nicole says:

    My second baby (6 weeks old) is only 15 and a half months younger than my first. (Both boys). I didn’t realize how hard it would be on my now 17 month old. I thought he was young enough where he wouldn’t notice or care but he’s jealous. We felt bad about him sleeping in his own room and letting the baby sleep in with us so we are now all sharing our room. He has been waking up 2-3 times in the night with nightmares and its hard to get him back to sleep! At least he forgave me finally for leaving him at our house with my mom while my husband and I spent a few nights in the hospital with the baby. And then the fact that I wasn’t able to lift him for 2 weeks after my surgery (csection) he was very upset with me for a while. But he is now over that and slowly just adjusting. Broke my heart big time though!

  29. Kendalyn says:

    This really is true. I’m only 19. My kids are 13 months apart, almost to the day. My daughter is older.. I don’t think there was any way to help her understand what was going on when we brought her baby brother home besides including her as much as we could. Here we are 8 months down the road.. She still has her jealous mean moments(terrible twos aren’t helping to say the least) but when she is being a good girl she is the best example of a big sister I have ever witnessed and even through the hard times, I will never regret having my kids so close in age and at such a young age myself. I have so many years to love and enjoy them ahead of me and nothing in the world makes my day like they do!

  30. Kelie says:

    I guess we got lucky. Willow was a few months shy of 2not when jamming came home. She took to baby really easy. But I will keep this in mind for when the time comes for baby #3. I never really thought about it . I just assumed jakki would take as well as willow did. But maybe I have another thing coming. Thanks for opening my eyes to this.

  31. Hannah Eberhardt says:

    I really enjoyed reading this because I feel like I could relate. My two kids are almost 19 months apart. I think the best wisdom anyone ever gave me was my son’s doctor. She told me after my daughter is born, remember to take him out to the store, park, lunch, etc. just the two of us like it had been beforehand. This gradually eased him into the transition from being an only child to then having another sibling who will always be around. Every time he would start acting up, I knew he just wanted some one on one time. Now my son, Titus, and daughter Molly, are 4 and 2 and are best buds. Life would be boring for Titus if he were alone all the time. Now I just need to figure out how to get them to adjust to baby #3 coming along in a few weeks!

  32. acraw558 says:

    thanks for your thoughts and sharing your experience! as i type, i'm having contractions waiting for baby number to decide when to make his arrival! this has definitely helped as my 1st son is not yet 2 (9 days away!) and i have no idea how he'll react. i'm going to try to stay positive and help the boys to create a lasting bond :)

  33. Jessica says:

    Wow. Thank you for writing. My daughter is 20 months, and I FEEL ready to have another, but I do worry.

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  35. Jamie says:

    i had twin boys when my daughter was 13 months old and it was really hard. i felt the same way some of the time. but now the boys r a year old and my girl is two years and watching them play and bond together is so special and fun. they r all used to each other, they look out for one another, and love each other. all the guilt has passed and i know we made the right decision to give our baby girl brothers.

  36. Stacy says:

    Thank you for this post! I have been feeling guilty and confused. Nobody ever says these things you always hear the happy stuff that happens later and you hear about the pregnancy and to make sure to let the older kid know you still love them. Sure I got that but nobody talks about mommy's feelings and fears and maybe they aren't all sunshine and rainbows.

  37. michaela says:

    what about a person that wants a 2nd but cannot:(, whats your greatest gift then, i find these things very painful:(, because there all this hype that you must MUST have a sibling, i have been crying about this for months……

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  40. LiLuMama says:

    My girls are 366 days apart….I went through every emotion you described at first. They are now 18 months and 6 months and there are still days that are hard, but by and far the good days have taken over. They have developed a bond I cannot begin to describe. Seeing them interact (now that sister little actually interacts) is the most amazing thing I have ever seen and sometimes it brings me to tears to see how much love those tiny girls already have for one another.

  41. Sheryl says:

    I’m so very happy I found this post and thank you for writing it!!! Baby #2 is coming anytime in the next 3 weeks and I’m very nervous & scared. Our son is almost 2 1/2 and is very attached to me. I’m a stay at home mom so all he knows is having mommys 100% attention all to him. For my husband and I, one child was never an option but I never thought about how I or my son would feel. I’m already starting to mourn his only-child days and I know that not only is he going to have a hard time sharing mom but I’m going to have a hard time too. Reading your post & all the comments makes me glad that I’m not alone in feeling like this. I’m still keeping my fingers crossed that it isn’t going to be as hard as I’m imagining it to be but I know I’ll probably be wrong.

  42. Rebecca G says:

    My daughter is 5 1/2 months, and we are 6 weeks pregnant. I didn’t over think trying for a brother or sister for our daughter Rielyn. My husband and I talked a LITTLE and decided because of our age (me 37, he 42), that we might as well start trying and we truly didn’t think we would get pregnant the first month of trying. Believe me, I truly know how blessed we are and we are very excited for our new baby, but the GUILT has already started to take a hold of me. I have already been sad to think I’m not going to have as much time with my “big” baby girl. I am trying to look back on my 18 years of being a full time nanny, and remembering the joy siblings share. My best friend (who I nannied for 6 years) has hers 14 months apart, I was there from day 1. It’s not going to be as easy with my own!!!

  43. GDL says:

    There is no way to predict what the reaction of having another sibling will have on another. I lost my first pregnancy with a miscarriage. After the world's most perfect child was born, our first, of course, my husband and I decided not to use birth control. We knew we wanted two children and felt let the cards fall as they may. Little did we anticipate that 15 1/2 months later our second daughter would be born. My biggest fear being pregnant with my second child was, how would I possibly love that child as much as the first? And then, OMG, we had the world's second most perfect child! It was then I recognized the term "parental prejudice". Our oldest just went with the flow. I think she has always felt that her sister has always been around. Sure there were challenges with having a toddler and and infant, but it was not the first time in the history of the world that it happened. It was a joy to see how they grew up together. Everything the oldest did, the youngest had to do. Even to the point of potty training herself. They are thirty-seven and thirty-six and still desperately close. We enjoy them both individually and together. I love their interaction together as adults and loving sisters. Sure, there were the usual sibling disagreements growing up, but they were rare and short lived. My husband and I are in our sixties now and it is a comfort to know that when the inevitable happens, they will have each other.

  44. Stephanie says:

    i agree that it is hard, but i really didn't think it was that hard. I have 2 boys (now 4 and 5) that are 13 months apart. maybe i just got lucky, that my first one was really easy going and didn't seem to care much about the new baby brother that he had. Although i was really worried all seemed to be just fine when we brought him home, my oldest was such a great helper, and to this day is still an awesome helper and amazing big brother. And with them being so close they are like best friends. I just hope when we decide to have another one it goes just as smoothly.

  45. Sara says:

    My little sister was a pain in the butt and still is. Worst thing my parents ever gave me.

    As for me, I had twins so none of this even applies. I guess they are a gift to each other by default????

  46. Temperance says:

    Its patience, and giving both children the same attention. Mothers now a days find the TV as a babysitter, and basically put the oldest child aside. THIS WILL MAKE YOUR CHILD THROW FITS BECAUSE HE/SHE IS LOOKING FOR ATTENTION. (YOUR ATTENTION) Which the only way it see’s the baby getting attention is by screaming/crying.
    When honestly you can put the baby down for naps. They sleep ALOT especially in the beginning. During and between feedings is time for your lovable first baby. Cuddle him or her, play with them make them your center of attention. Also when the tiny one wakes allow them to help YOU. Get them involved let them be the big brother or sister. 

    I’m sorry I’m just tired of hearing people ranting about how horrible their kids are. Makes me wonder how well their parenting really lacks. Granted we all get tired and worn down. But come on try a little. I get it making the baby was easy, carrying wasn’t so easy for some but raising a child is a job itself but common sense people we were all young once. I’ll stop my rant I’m sorry if I offended anyone.

    Idk I hope I helped someone out also and I’m a single mom of 4. And everyday was hard and is rough and I love and cherish everyone of my babies and wouldn’t take back any tantrum or cry for me up for the world. Little things like those I hope my memory holds those little things forever.
    Sorry again but really get your kiddos involved in everything you do. I’m not the best mom but I know my kiddos love me all the same. And my kids have impressed me by how they’ve grown and surprise me each and everyday.  

  47. Tina says:

    This is so true and good advice. I wish I would have read it before I had my second. Still good to read and feel not so alone as we are just 2 month into it.

  48. FTM103112 says:

    Thank you for sharing this. I'm an "emotional faucet", a FTM, and I've struggled a lot with the "why didn't anybody tell me this would be so hard?!" So thank you for telling us! =) I'm book-marking this for when I (hopefully) bring home the 2nd kid. Cuz I want to (though I don't know how I'd handle it if I can't even handle the one I have very well!). =(

  49. Mary says:

    So appreciate you being so honest about your own experience. Mine was VERY different and not something that caused me concern at all – but that may be because my only memories of siblings are good ones. I have three children spaced out at 18mo apart and two years apart. All three boys are very good friends and did well as infants and toddlers, showing little jealousy. Any child getting undivided attention at all times is not being mentally or emotionally prepared for real life and future relationships. Everyone needs to learn to self soothe at times and be ok spending some time alone or outside of the lime light.

  50. stacy says:

    Kate, thank you for sharing something so personal. I hope every person who reads this shares it with someone who is expecting or has more than one child. So often we suffer in silence not realizing that many others have walked the same path.

  51. Sheena says:

    This is so true! My son was 3 when he became a big brother and I felt soooo overwhelmed. I didn't have as much family support the 2nd time around, and I had a really tough time adjusting. We also had problems breastfeeding, (something I didn't do the first time around). I asked the exact same question "Why didn't anybody tell me it was going to be this hard?" to anyone who would listen. Someone could've prepared me! But she's 2 and he's 5 and we have adjusted to life with two…now if we can figure out how to adjust to the constant fighting that's beginning to appear…..

  52. Katie says:

    My daughters are 14 months apart. I had the hardest time during my pregnancy with daughter 2 because I felt so guilty for my first daughters "babyhood" to be gone so quickly! But the day Natalie was born and I saw Hailey see her and say "baby, mommy, baby" and point to her sister, they became more than baby 1 and 2, and more Hailey and Natalie! They were their own person and I loved both of them separately, but equally! The only thing I am regretful about is that I did not enjoy my second(and last) pregnancy as much as I should have!

  53. emily says:

    I am preparing to bring home baby boy #4. The first 2 are 17 months apart and #3 is just 2 years after #2. Now #3 is 4 years old and #4 is on the way. Even still to this day I’m not sure how any of us survived those 7 years. I do know that I have 3 best buds. They fight all the time, but cry when one leaves for night with the grandparents. The best thing I ever did was have more than one. So, when people ask what am I going to do with one more little boy, my reply is always have some more fun. I love being a mommy to these great little men.

  54. Bianca says:

    Thank you for this blog. It really eases my heart. My daughter is 6 1/2 and I just found out last month that we are expecting baby #2. BIG surprise! We were ready for another and my daughter has been asking for at least a few years for a baby sister. So naturally, when we told her I was pregnant it lit up her world :) . Then reality hit. Oh my god. What am I going to do? Ayanna (my daughter) will be 7 years old by the time the baby is born! How am I going to love 2 children? It terrifies me but everyone I know assures me that it’s a normal feeling but that I will have more than enough love for both of them. Obviously with this much of an age gap, we are pretty much starting over. Scary but I know it’ll be worth it.

  55. Nancy says:

    I am the middle of 6 kids & we were never told we were getting a sister. They just brought them home from the hospital & it was no big deal. I had 2 boys 2 yrs apart & never had any of these thought you all describe. You just don't make a big deal out of it, include the older sibling to help when when he/she wants & then they go about their business. My boys/men are fine & have a great relationship today. Best advice, don't make a big deal out of this & just do it!

  56. Ashley says:

    I’d like to see your plans if you still check this thread

  57. Beth says:

    We're expecting our first right now, but I still remember when I was a little girl and suddenly I had a new baby brother. I'd been an only for 9 years, and I'd been praying every night for 6 years for a baby brother, but part of me still had trouble adjusting to that screaming little creature that took all of mom and dad's time. But what your pediatrician said is true, he is the best gift my parents ever gave me. We are now 25 and 16, and we are the best of forever friends. I hope your little ones are as blessed as we are!

  58. Brittany says:

    I have a ten month old and I’m currently 4 months and a week pregnant Im edited and nervous all at the same time to see how my Lilly_bug Will react to the new addition i will say though that this article im sure will prove handy =) and its nice to see someone post wat to expect with the second do thank you

  59. Heather says:

    I too felt this way, so much guilt thinking that I didn't have enough love (or patience or time or energy) to give the baby that I was able to give to the older sister for 19 mos of life! But 4 years later to watch them together is amazing! But I have to warn you it doesn't get easier, they will figure out how to pull the strings that make you feel like day 1 all over again (she got new Jammie's I didn't, she gets to do everything and I don't) then there is the day the older one goes to kindergarten n the baby is sooo lost without her big sister! Every year we Re adjusting and it never gets any easier but the love feels greater every day!

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  62. Jen says:

    I had 4 girls within 3 and 3/4 years, no twins. The first two were each 13 1/2 months apart. M was 13 1/2 mths when R was born who was 13 1/2 mths when E was born who was a whole 19 mths when L was born. Despite the baby fog that I lived in for over 4 yrs I would not do it diff for anything. They were all too young to remember the adjustments. R had the hardest time and got a little bit jealous. She was very put out when Mommy held and loved someone else so much. Honestly, she is 9 yrs now and still gets jealous. We worked through it and had a lot of time visiting grandparents so there was lots of one on one time for each of them. I think that that in itself helped a lot. It not only gave me some sanity in such a busy time but it also gave the girls more attention. I know that I was very blessed in having that option. They lived 30 mins away but the gas money was worth the blessings it brought to have such a help. I was there nearly every day.

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  64. Amy says:

    Please be encouraged! I am the mother of boys that are 13 months apart. I won't lie to you. It was HARD!! Chasing a toddler all day and a crying baby at night, nearly did me in. Eventually though, it worked. Now they are 13 and 14. They are two completely different individuals with their own interests and the best of friends. They wouldn't know what to do without each other and wouldn't want to find out. You can do this. No matter how hard it gets, be encouraged.

  65. acraw558 says:

    if you wanted more children, i'm sorry for your pain. taking it out on someone else trying to shard her personal experience is not the way to vent that.


  66. kelly c says:

    THANK YOU. I agree

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